The Debtor and the Seducer: The Effects of Sex Phrases on Relationships

The Debtor and the Seducer: The Effects of Sex Phrases on RelationshipsDeborah Tanen's 'The Debtor and the Seducer' is an insightful essay on love and relationships. Tanen's essay provides examples of how commonly used sex words and phrases cause and effect relationships. Tanen's essay may be a little intimidating for some students, especially the part where she writes about the human need to have sex, since they are all different sex references in the context of this essay.Deborah Tanen's essay about sexual relationships has a bit of a twist on it, however. She also offers an explanation for why the listener feels compelled to go on a dating spree after hearing one of these sex statements. The other part of her essay focuses on why we believe that sex will solve problems that plague a relationship. It also explains why we fall for these sex statements so easily, why we don't try to rationalize them and why we feel like we must accept whatever it is we hear.Deborah Tanen also provide s an example from her own relationship with her husband. She states that a very interesting thing happened in their relationship. The husband fell for her, but he didn't know why. The reason why he fell for her was because she told him how much she loved him. She said that it is natural for us to feel that way about people who are in love with us.Deborah Tanen states that a person should understand that the listener of their speech is not your friend. She states that the listener's mindset and thinking are what determines whether you are truly a friend or not. Deb's husband had a few assumptions about relationships before they became friends, and he was likely frustrated that he was the subject of her speech. She states that this situation would have been more than understandable if the two of them weren't on the same page, which is something she discusses in the essay.In her conclusion, Deborah Tanen discusses the individual's need to feel special-ed. She states that her definition of special can change based on the situation or the person you are talking to. She does make a good point about special-ed, though, since a person who is assuming that a certain thing means they are special is going to focus more on them knowing than they are doing something for the sake of learning.One thing I really enjoyed about Deborah Tanen's essay is that she provides examples of how each of us uses these sex phrases. I particularly liked the first example of her husband falling for her trying to rationalize the reasons. She also gives an example of her own relationship with her husband, explaining how she dealt with his special-ed tendencies and his beliefs about himself. It's not every day that you get to read a piece like this. In fact, I think that she might have helped me as I read her.Deborah Tanen does talk about a theory of language usage. I really liked the idea of seeing what types of language works best in situations and how the listener is affected by it. This wou ld be a great theory to use with students, because it can be hard to explain it to someone who isn't used to thinking about things like this. This theory of using the words you're most comfortable with is something that could work for any student. This theory makes communication easier for everyone.In the end, Deborah Tanen's essay was very interesting, because I love relationships and it has often been difficult for me to find examples of them and how they are formed and changed. I think that this essay will be useful for students of all levels and would recommend it to anyone who is interested in relationships.